The Magic Kingdom: Where People Go to Throw Money Away · Jul 18, 11:13 PM by Whitney
Today I visited the Magic Kingdom for the first, and God willing, last time. This is all going to be old news to those of you who grew up in Florida, but the whole thing kind of freaked me out. You see, my family was not the the amusement park sort (and now I can see why with startling clarity).
To get into the Magic Kingdom they have to scan your fingerprint. Your fingerprint is associated with your ticket so you can only use the ticked once, with one person. This seems like mega overkill to me (they must be using those fingerprint scanners for something nefarious right?) From there on out everything is perfectly manicured. The buildings are all tapered at the top to make them appear taller and at least 75% of the plant life is plastic. It takes between 20 and 60 minutes to get on any given ride and none of the rides are longer than 3 minutes (the teacups remain my perennial favorite amusement park ride, perhaps because they are the only ride where the passenger has any modicum of control.)
Not the least disturbing was the people. Its been a long time since I’ve been around large numbers of normal people (I appreciate the insulation of the bubble all the more now). Americans are rude, loud and poorly dressed. And fat. And most of the people at the Magic Kingdom did not look happy. In fact, it was largely screaming children and disgruntled parents, sweaty tired and overcharged.
People had thrown spare change on almost every available surface. It was like people had literally come to Disney to throw their money away. I could retire with all the change that is at the bottom of the Its a Small World ride (which I’m not even going to go into, save to say that I lost the piece of my soul which resided between my 3rd and 4th vertebra on that ride and I’m never getting it back).
At the end of the evening they have to close of the section of the park around Cinderella’s castle and constantly hose the whole area down with water for an hour or so so it doesn’t catch fire when they do the nightly parade and firework show.
The rides were boring, the people were smelly, the weather was awful. I’m glad Jon was with me, hanging out with him made the whole thing fun instead of terrifying.
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In Which Cadet McAuley earns a Commendation Back in the USSRQ
stick to Universal Studios.. on the MIB ride you get to shoot aliens.
— Whinne Jul 18, 11:28 PM #
I prefer Epcot; it is pleasant and they basically let everyone who looks near the age of 18 drink there. Also, you are a total jerk. Thanks for calling while you were in town, man. It’s not like Daniel and I attempt to see you whenever we’re in your area.
— The Girl Jul 19, 10:46 AM #
The “MAGIC KINGDOM” right!
Now you know….....
And video on child in toy machine, classic woodchuck!
— Mom Jul 19, 05:09 PM #
You know know why I am people phobic. People simply take most of the fun out of most any event. There is a direct corollary between the number of people and the misery index. > people = > misery index. Now you know why Mom and I don’t like crowds; plus, I can’t be in control and I’m a control freak.
— Papa Jul 19, 05:24 PM #